


Unconscious selection

by I_need_canon_MikaAni



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-12
Updated: 2014-08-24
Packaged: 2018-02-12 21:27:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 16,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2125251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_need_canon_MikaAni/pseuds/I_need_canon_MikaAni
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I didn't want to fall for you, I wasn't supposed to, but I did, and now nothing in the universe can change this feeling.</p><p>The story of how Annie fell for Mikasa. (I suck at summaries, but I promise that the story is better.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Seeing Her

**Author's Note:**

> So! My first fanfic, like, ever. Any and all feedback criticism is welcome, I just want to be a better writer.

The first time that you see her is when you’re in Trost, eating some of the bread you were rationed a few minutes ago. She’s watching two boys arguing, or rather, one boy is arguing and the other is yelling. You hear the louder one shout something.

“YOU WIMP!”

Then the he’s out of sight and her fist is where his head was.

The first thing you notice is the scarf. It’s red and worn and a nice contrast to her black hair, but it’s the middle of summer, so you don’t really understand why she’s wearing it. Despite it being illogical and distracting, you find yourself drawn to her face. It’s eerily blank, like yours. Calm, and you’re sure that if you weren't so far way, you would see the same expression in her eyes.

She plucks a loaf of bread out of the other boy’s hands and disappears from sight. You glance down at your own bread. Pocket it, and turn away.

You have a job to do, that means no distractions, so you walk away in search of a quieter area for the day.


	2. Awkward First Meetings and Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Basically what the title says.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy crap you guys are amazing! I published this with the moral support of my best friend and then go to art camp for two hours and then when I get back, there are just so many hits and really, you guys are amazing.

You see her again the next week when you’re lining up for food. Both of you reach the same spot at the same time, but she takes a step back the second after you do, so she ends up in front by default. It’s a minor annoyance that you have to wait longer, but if you’re going to be stuck standing for a longer period of time, then you guess that maybe she isn’t too bad of a person to be looking at.

“HEY! MIKA-SA!”

The shout comes from somewhere behind you, as does a lot of grumbling and the thunder of footsteps. In front of you ‘Mikasa’ turns around just as something- _someone_ crashes into your back. Whoever slammed into you must have been running pretty fast, because the force sends you crashing into the girl in front of you.

Somewhere between putting your arms out to stop the fall and hitting the ground, your lips collide. _It’s weird_ , you think, _to be kissing someone, let alone a girl_. Her lips are soft, a little chapped, but still soft, and the weight of whoever is keeping you on top of her is making it damn near impossible to pull away. The kiss makes you _warm_. Heats you up and makes it hard to breathe. You’re burning, but in a good way, and below you, Mikasa is getting warmer to.

Air runs out and you _need_ to breathe, because breathing _is_ a necessity. Mikasa jerks her head one way and you jerk your head the other. Her hair covers your face and it smells like flowers and the mountains and forest air.

_Like home._

Not being able to eat on a regular basis is starting to take a toll on you. Your arms are trembling with the effort of holding yourself up, and the squirming body on top of you isn’t helping either.

“Eren.” Vibrations from her throat go through yours. “Get up. You’re going to crush us.” The boy on top of you squirms some more.

“I can’t get up.” You can _feel_ her sigh, then the shoulder your chin is resting on jerks forward and the weight on your back is gone. Stand up, because being on top of her is just too weird for you.  You brush off the dust from your clothes, there isn’t that much, but you need to do something to try and forget the feeling of her lips on yours. It tingles and you’re tempted to reach up and touch your lips, see if you can mimic the way she felt on you.

Again heat rushes through your body, settling on your cheeks, and you think that maybe you shouldn’t eat right now. There’s an unhealthy amount of butterflies in your stomach and adding bread to that equation would end up in something bad.

Behind you ‘Eren’ is being scolded by Mikasa for being reckless. She’s going about how you could have gotten hurt. Or how much trouble he could have gotten in.

It’s confusing, why Mikasa is concerned for you. You get out of line and start heading back to your corner. Sleep is necessary, and besides, it’s far more peaceful to be awake at night.

The sky is almost done fading to black when you wake up. Fiery clouds are going out, once again returning to piles of ash floating in the sky. You roll over, only to come face to face with a piece of bread. The word ‘sorry’ is scratched into the side, and a red thread is tied around it.

You grab it as you stand up, shove it into your pocket and look around across the mass of sleeping bodies (some aren’t sleeping) to find _her_. The two boys from earlier are leaning on either of her shoulders fast asleep. _Did she wait up for me? To make sure I got the bread? Why? Why would she do that?_ There are a dozen questions floating in your mind, but not a single one of them leads to an answer.

Instead of standing there like an idiot, you offer her a nod of thanks, she responds with a nod of her own.

She leans her head back against the wall and closes her eyes. She seems so peaceful like that, and as you’re walking to the nearest empty street, you wonder if you’ll ever get to see her again.

You kick yourself.

Kick yourself hard enough to make you fall to the ground and grit your teeth because you’re not supposed to form any attachments. That’s it. You’ll avoid her, you’ll avoid her and then everything will be fine and you can do your job.


	3. Reappearances and Respect

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who left notes and more thanks to Seran, zaa_woorld, and CalmMango for commenting. If you guys have any questions, feel free to ask them, I'll do my best to answer them.
> 
> And I'm sorry for the short chapter, I promise that the next one is going to be a lot longer.
> 
> On to the actual story!

The next time you see her it’s been nearly two years. Well, you don’t really see her so much as you catch a glimpse of black hair and a red scarf in the mess hall.

You blink and look again, it can’t _really_ be her, but it is her.

She’s walking out of the building with a love struck Jean staring after her. Probably going to hit the showers before everyone else.

It would make sense though. The angry boy that she was always following around was always talking about joining the scout regiment, it was laughable really. (You never saw him, but you would be able to recognize his angry inpatient shouting anywhere.) He would get himself killed if someone wasn't there to protect him. 

Of course, Mikasa would join up with him, she would be the one who would keep him alive.

“Hey Annie, you okay?” You look up.

Reiner and Bertholdt are giving you questioning looks and you realize you’ve been staring. You wave them off.

“It's nothing.”

Bertholdt nods and Reiner raises any eyebrow, but they leave it alone.

 _It’s nothing,_ you tell yourself, _she means absolutely nothing to me._

But she does.

You know she does. She means something to you in the way that you also know that there’s something inside her that makes her similar to you.

There’s a monster inside you, and there’s a monster inside her.

* * *

 

A month has gone by. There’s a girl who sits by you named Mina. She’s nice and a good person to you, but you have no idea what to call her. Reiner and Bertholdt made friends with Eren, so in turn that almost makes you friends with Mikasa. Speaking of which…

She doesn’t like you all that much. Mikasa Ackerman doesn’t like anyone besides Armin Arlet and Eren Yeager. Sure she respects you, for your skill and your strength, and your power, but she doesn’t like you.

But you like her. You like her in the way that she likes Eren. In the way that Eren likes you. Eren wanting to learn the techniques that your father taught you is one of the only good things about him. Mikasa always tags along, watching from the shadows, sending you icy glares every time Eren hits the ground harder than necessary.

That’s why you do it though. Her attention is like a drug of some sort. It’s something that you need to keep going. If she competes with you, then you want to  be better, because then she’ll come back for more, and she’ll pay more attention to you. It’s nice.

You keep that to yourself though.

After all…

You aren’t supposed to form any connections, but that thing inside her draws you closer. It’s sort of like that time Reiner grabbed your 3DMG wires and yanked them to screw you up, (he ended up with a bloody nose and crashed into a Titan wood cutout) but this time it’s more enjoyable.

Sure, there’s the possibility that it could end up destroying you, but that doesn’t seem like a bad thing. Okay, maybe it is a bad thing, but you would never let it come to that! You would end it before it came anywhere close to that.

Based on your thinking, you’ve come to one conclusion: She’s inevitable to you, and there’s really only one thought that can describe the way that you’re feeling, one word.

_Well, fuck._


	4. Survival Training (Winter)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mikasa and Annie get paired up for winter survival training. Nuff said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks again to Seran and zaa_woorld for the comments. And this is actually a kind a really long chapter, (like +2,000 words) so I hope that this sort of makes up for the other chapters being short. I think that the chapters are going to be at least 1200 plus words from now on, since I've sort of got a groove going.
> 
> Anyways, onto the story!

It’s time for partner survival training again. They do it every season. The first time (summer) you got paired up with Mina. She respects you and she sort of knows you. Mina understands when to leave you alone and when to keep you company. In the fall, it was Krista. She was a smaller, more active version of Mina, and a little chattier too, but she knew when enough was enough, and it was impossible, literally impossible to get mad at her.

Shadis walks around and pairs people up at random. Reiner and Bertholdt, Ymir and Krista, Eren and Armin, Mina and Sasha, and you and Mikasa.

_Well fuck._

You would really have liked to be paired up with Mina again.

But no.

No, no, no, no, no.

You get stuck with the girl that’s been occupying your every other though since you started training as a cadet.

Every person is given a bag filled with supplies and sent out to an area in Wall Rose with the instructions to survive two weeks and then make your way back to training grounds. Once everyone has taken their last shower and eaten their last full meal, they kick everyone out and declare the training exercise begun.

It’s been almost three hours since then, and the only progress you’ve made is finding a frozen lake and a pathetic excuse of a forest.

“Any ideas?” Her voice is deadpan, muffled by the scarf that’s been pulled up to her nose. You shake your head.

“Have you ever done anything like this before?” She glances over, err, down at you.

“Not really. But we could probably find a cave to stay in for the rest of the exercise.”

“Sure.” Red blossoms across your face and your voice is uneven, but you blame it on the weather and move on.

Both you and Mikasa spend the rest of the day looking for a cave, but they stay invisible. Every time you think that you’ve found one, it turns out to be an odd formation of snow and ice. It gets tiring and in the end, she makes a camp on top of a hill. She tells you to dig a hole in the ground, shallow and wide, big enough for both of you to sleep in.

Mikasa disappears for a little bit, but comes back arms heavy with firewood. It takes her a total of ten seconds to make a spark, add another five for it to become a full fledged fire. Only she would be able to make something so dangerous and powerful so quickly.

You take a moment to look around. Essentially, it’s a hole in the ground with snow rising up to block out the wind. A fire is blazing in the middle and blankets lay on either side of the fire. The heavy winter jacket you were given at the beginning of the exercise becomes a sleeping mat.

Sleep is closing in on you, and on the other side Mikasa is staring up at the stars. The flames paint her skin different shades of orange and red, her scarf makes it seem like she _is_ burning. Suddenly the idea of Mikasa being on the other side is hilarious. A smirk crosses your lips before you can stop it.

“What is it?” She’s looking at you, confusion on her normally blank face.

“Nothing.” Her brow furrows and she turns over on her side. One of her arms is propping up her head and the other is resting over her hips.

“It was obviously something, if you were smirking at me like that.”

“Fine, I was thinking about you burning in a fire. Happy now?”

She snorts, shakes her head and then rolls over.

“Uh-huh.” You don’t bother replying. Just then, Mikasa wasn’t acting like the Mikasa you knew, it was like there was someone else there.

_"I want you to make the whole world your enemy."_

Better not dwell on it. You can’t afford to make friends with Mikasa. You can’t afford to make friends period.

* * *

 

You are an idiot. A shivering, freezing cold, soaking wet, _idiot_. _This_ is what you get for being a good person.

 

The next day had started off horribly. Mikasa is a morning person. A mother fucking _morning_ person, and you are not. She’s already preparing supplies for setting traps and gathering more fire wood by the time you first open your eyes. Shadis wants to make life a living hell for you. That is the _only_ reason that he would pair you with Mikasa. Eyes still fogged, hair a mess, and movements slowed by sleep you get ready for your next day in a frozen hell.

She had taken you to a frozen lake and then proceeded to start setting up snares. Setting up the snares was actually a lot more complicated than you thought it would have been, and it’s the day is close to over once you’re done. Somewhere between taking off your bulky coats and finishing setting up snares a gust of wind had blown her coat onto the lake, not very far from your current position. It was probably 10 meters away at most.

What you and Mikasa had been standing on was the solid thick part of the ice, but the area that her coat had blown onto was the thin part of the ice.

You had volunteered to grab it for her, seeing as you were the lighter one and you knew how to walk across ice, or so you thought.

It had taken you a few minutes to edge your way out to it. You tossed it back to Mikasa, but as you did, the ice underneath you cracked. Mikasa must have heard it to, because the first thing she did was yell at you to hurry back. Running was hard on the ice, and the boots that you were wearing had shit traction.

You tried, you swear you tried. But the ice cracked before you reached Mikasa. And that was how you found yourself in your current situation.

It’s cold. It’s cold and it’s dark and it burns. It burns you like fire, _worse_ than fire, but it’s so cold that it can’t be fire. The water swirls around you. And up above you, is Mikasa.

_No! If she tries to get me, she’ll die. Maybe if I can get out of here… To get out I would need to swim, and Reiner said something about swimming being like climbing, but with a lot more kicking._

That’s what you do. Pretend you’re climbing a ladder, but by the time that you break the surface, you’re almost out of air. Mikasa grabs you by the scruff of your hoodie and drags you backwards to where your coats are.

“Damn it Annie, look at me,” _she’s so blurry_ “I need you to stay focused on me.” She wraps you up in your coat and then puts on hers.

“Mikasa…” She picks you up just as you curl into a ball. _And warm, she’s very warm._ Her arms pull you just a little closer to her chest. Her heartbeat is starting to get really fast. Is it going so fast because she’s running? Or is it fear? No, Mikasa wouldn’t be worried about you. There’s no point in worrying about something like you.

It’s getting hard to keep your eyes open, and it couldn’t be such a bad idea to close your eyes for just a minute or two. Surely Mikasa would wake you up once you got back to camp. You must have dozed off for a bit because the next thing you can process is Mikasa looking at you while you’re lying by the fire.

“Annie…” Her voice is so soft, and you kind of want to know if her lips as they were back in Trost. Actually, she’s really close, so kissing her wouldn’t be that hard. “I need you to take your clothes off.” Her face turns red. Why would it? She’s a girl. She’s seen these things before. So why is she getting so embarrassed about seeing you nake- oh. You could keep your clothes on, but you would probably die.

Sigh. ”Fine.”

Your hoodie is the first thing to go. Then again, it always is whenever you declothe. (No you don’t undress, you declothe.)

“What’s this?” Her voice is so close that you flinch before answering her.

“A bracelet.” Mikasa shoots you a _well obviously_ look and stares at it again.

“It’s the same color as my scarf.” _Do you remember?_ “Mina probably made it for you, didn’t she?” Nod. “She must have more colors for thread than I thought.” _You don’t…_

Next are you boots and socks, (which refuse to be separated, it’s like Connie and Sasha) that thought throws you into a laughing fit, and the absolutely horrified look on Mikasa’s face tells you that you have to try and contain yourself.

But the matter of your pants coming off is another thing entirely. Dignity says keep them on, your mind says keep them on, you say keep them on, your body says keep them, but Mikasa says to take them off.

You take them off.

Taking off your shirt is a nightmare. It sticks to your skin and is partially frozen to your chest bindings and Mikasa is forced to help you. She averts her eyes and you try not to move or look at her and the entire process takes so much longer than is actually necessary. But in the end it is totally worth it. She blushes again and last night’s events of thoughts of her burning invade your mind and you start to smile. Mikasa sends you a warning look and then resumes setting up your clothes to dry.

The time comes when you have take off your underwear and chest bindings, but by then your hoodie is dry so you throw that on as soon as possible.

It’s a little over an hour later and thoughts are starting to make some sense again and you no longer have the urge to throw yourself in the snow and roll around, but you’re still shivering and sneezes have become your latest form of communication. Mikasa starts reorganizing the campsite as you try to shove down the shivering and settle down for bed.

You’re just about to fall asleep when she wraps an arm around your midsection and pulls you closer to her.

“What the hell Ackerman?!” You mean for it to come out menacing. Except that your voice cracks when you say her name and you squirm as she shifts the arm holding you.

“Body heat. It’s supposed to be the best way to help with hypothermia. Unless you weren’t listening when they were telling us these things…” Her voice trails off and you _fucking know_ she’s mocking you.

You grunt. Of course you heard about it. You don’t want to _die._ But she is being really, really, _really_ distracting right now. You can _feel_ her. The way that you fit almost perfectly into her body. Your heart beat is fast, like lightning, compared to hers. Hers is just too damn calm for your liking.

The moon is almost directly over you, and you’re starting to feel warmagain. Mikasa’s breathing had finally slowed about an hour ago, but you had stay, unable to fall asleep in her arms.

It has occured to you just how comfortable with her you are. It isn’t a bad thing or anything, at least, it shouldn’t be. No. It’s bad. You are far too comfortable with the way her thumb is stroking your stomach and the way her breath is hitting the nape of your neck.

It scares the living hell out of you. If she were to shift the arm that’s on your stomach lower, or if she used the arm that’s supporting her head to turn you on your back, you wouldn’t complain. You wouldn’t make a sound, no, you would just let her do whatever she wanted. As long as she was holding you, nothing else would matter.

It’s a stupid idea, so you blame it on the first few things that manage to come through your still slightly muddled mind. You’re a thirteen and half year old girl who has hypothermia and has no idea how to control your hormones. Yes. That works. That definitely works.

_"No, it does not."_

You groan and you’re about to bring up your free arm to rub your face when you realize that your fingers are interlaced with Mikasa’s. She holds your hand just a little tighter when you try and pull away. Pulling your hand away shouldn’t be this hard. It should be easy, like breathing. But Mikasa is so warm and you shouldn’t be this comfortable with her, but at the same time you don’t care.

_I am a hormonal teenager. This is completely normal._

The grip on her hand tightens and is pulled closer to your body.

_No, I’m just weird from the hypothermia… and it’s not really an attachment if it’s only for one night._

You say it in your head each time Mikasa breathes out. Her heartbeat and breathing becomign a lullaby and silently you tell yourself that this (cuddling maybe?) is only going to last for one night.

It lasts for the rest of the exercise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Comments please?


	5. Survival Training (Summer)

The gods must love watching your training exercises go wrong, because almost exactly a year after you started training as a cadet, you’re stuck going on another one. You may be in groups this time, not pairs, but you still get stuck with Mikasa.

_This is just freakin’ dandy._

Mina’s in the other group and so is Krista. _Unfortunately._ But Reiner and Bertholdt are in your group, so you figure that there being two people who can talk you out of killing the other idiots in your group is better than none.

(There’s already a sound strategy worked out. Bertholdt with throw you over his shoulder and keep you out of anyone’s immediate attack range, and Reiner will act as a barricade until the tempers are cooled enough for you to be put back down. It’s actually very effective, so long as you don’t start attacking Bertholdt.)

Your boys, surprisingly, don’t bother you as much as you thought they would. They becomes something akin to guardians in the sense that they keep you from losing your focus whenever you’re on horseback, sometimes going so far as to put themselves between you and the object of your distractions.

The group stops for a break while Mikasa and Thomas look the map over. He makes a comment about not getting there before nightfall and she asks if they should head eastward a little. He’s saying something back to her when a moving shadow catches your eye.

Everyone is in front of you, and the shadow is too big to be an animal. Mikasa must have seen it too, because she jerks her head to look. Everyone stops and looks at her.

“What is it Mikasa?”

She blinks away the expression and looks over at you. Silently asking if you’ve seen it too. You stare back at her. _Yes I did see it, but I have no idea what the hell it is, so don’t go asking me any questions._

“It’s nothing.” _Thank you._

If Reiner and Bertholdt weren’t as scared of her as they are of you, they would have done their little liar routine thing. Which consists of a two fake coughs, a muffled yell of bullshit, and then pretending that they said nothing.

She orders you back on your horses and you continue riding. This is going to be a  _long_ day.

 

* * *

 

“Are you sure?”

“There’s no doubt about it. This is where we put it.”

For one reason or another, the group’s maneuvering devices have disappeared. The group watches Mikasa and someone else stare at the spot where you last hid everything while you look for clues.

About ten meters away there’s an old burned out fire circle. Maybe something worth telling people about, and maybe another fifteen meters away are tracks from carriages and horse. Yeah, definitely something worth telling people about.

“Over here.”

You point with your chin over to the charred wood. Reiner picks up a piece of it, no doubt going over a mental checklist in his mind.

“They’ve been gone for quite a while.”

“It’s the same as what we found over there.” She grimaces. “how many people are involved?”

“Also…” They look at you so fast that someone’s neck pop. “Over here too.”

“Carriage tracks… And there’s a few of them…” You can see Reiner putting pieces together.

“There is no information about residents inhabiting this area.” Mikasa sends you a sideways glance that screams  _oh really?_

“It’s probably a gang of thieves.” The same guy that was whining earlier makes a whimpering noise and you resist the urge to punch him. Reiner has something to say that’s intelligent, and you are going to hear what it is god damn it! “It seems they found out where the weapons were placed, and stole them during the night. They gather 3D maneuver equipment and make black market deals.”

“So we’re being targeted…”  _Well gee Thomas, based on what Reiner just said, what do you think?_

“If they got caught, we would have been helpless to stop them. You should probably be happy that you’re still alive.”

Thomas swallows hard and looks at Mikasa.

“Should we stop the training and report this?”

“No, our target’s right ahead of us. Speed up the exercise. Tell Marco and his team about this, and then get back to the training grounds.” Reiner seems deadly serious right now, then again, whenever his friends are in danger, he’s damn near suicidal if it means keeping them safe.

Mikasa nods her agreement and looks over in the direction of Marco’s group. You break off in three groups of two in order to try and find the other team. Reiner, Bertholdt, and you each lead a team in the general direction of where the other team should be.

Reiner grabs Thomas and goes one way. Going on about how once they find the other team they’re going to give them the run down and make a plan to take down the thieves or bandits or whatever they’re called.

Bertholdt takes the other one in the group. He seems rather relaxed considering the situation that you’re in at the moment. You had expected him to be panicking, but he becomes a pillar (no pun intended) of logic, calmness, and strength, which is comforting in the sense that you don’t have to deal with his awkwardness.

You and Mikasa run jump and flip through the trees in a silent race to find the other team first. Neither of you gain injuries, but each time a branch rustles louder than it should or there’s a  _thump_ when someone hits their target to hard, the other will smirk and push forwards.

It’s another extension of the rivalry that started after the winter survival fiasco. (The rivalry consists of competitions on anything and  _everything._  As of yet, the only person who has gotten injured is Reiner, but he tried to stop an arm wrestling match and got two black eyes for it.)

_“I want you to be the best.”_

You have to be the best. You have to make him proud.

There’s a loud bang and you stop. Below you Bertoldt turns his head towards the source of the noise and starts running. A moment later Reiner and Thomas pass by, and with your entire group accounted for, you and Mikasa follow. Ten seconds later and there’s another shot, this one farther away.

Reiner waves his arms and shouts for you to get down on the ground. Mikasa jumps down and you follow.

“What do we do now?”

“Split up, Annie and Mikasa are the best at stealth, so they’ll be the ones who’ll be doing the actual fighting. The rest of us have a different job. Thomas and I found the horses, we need the rest of the group to help us round them up.” Reiner looks around the group as they nod. He looks at you for confirmation.

“We’ll be fine.”

“Whatever.” Mikasa jumps back into a tree, waiting for you to join her.

“You don’t have to be so rude all the time.” She jumps to the next branch.

“That wasn’t being rude.” You get a running start.

No answer. She just picks up the pace, flipping off a branch and kicking off a trunk to keep an attempt at distance between you. Unfortunately for her, you’ve been doing this for… somewhere around nine years.

_BANG!!!_

You stop, up above you there’s a green flare floating up into the sky. This time you take the lead, running as fast you can to get there first. Mikasa is half a pace behind you, at the source of the flares, there’s an overturned carriage with your 3D Maneuver Gear.

Mikasa throws hers on while you take the time to make sure that all of your little lathes are secured. No way in hell are you going to embarrass yourself. She’s about to jump back into the trees to when you stop her.

“If you don’t fix the buckle you’re going to be like Eren when he first tried this.” She sends you  _the_  dirtiest look, but she still fixes it.

When you take off this time, you’re flying. Actually, you’re soaring with your 3D Maneuver Gear, but after all the fancy footwork it feels like you’re flying. Everything goes so much faster like this. Mikasa seems to have the same thoughts as you. She doesn’t try to outdo you, she just focuses on moving forwards. There’s another gunshot, this one about a hundred meters away.

Maybe you’re a little careless when you use your gas to get there, but you get there in time to see Marco’s team glaring at a dust cloud with weapons drawn. Mikasa pulls up behind you draws her swords, just what the hell are they glaring at?

The dust clears and you see two men, the remaining thieves, one with a rifle and the other with a long curved blade, at Krista’s neck.

You stalk forward along the branch, ready to  _slice_ those stupid, thieving, abducting  _bastards apart._

Mikasa’s arm hits your chest. “Wait.”

“But-“ she slams your back into the trunk of the tree and glares down at you.

“I said to wait.”

What does she not understand about Krista being in danger?! They could do anything to her! She’s like, like family to you. Krista’s a necessary part of your life! Besides Mina and Bertholdt and Reiner, she doesn’t deserve to die. And Mikasa’s just going to let something happen to her.

You get a better grip on your sword handles. If Mikasa won’t let you go, you’ll do it by force. But she sees it coming, she always does, and when you swing at her, she kicks them out of your hands and pins you back against the tree.

“We can’t just let them take Krista! She’s-“  _one of the people that I care about!_

“-going to get hurt if we attack without thinking.” She adds more pressure. “Do you really want that?”

Everything stops for a second.

You exhale heavily through your nose and glare back. Of course you don’t want her to get hurt. Mikasa is right though. If you attack now, Krista could get hurt and then, you don’t want to think about it. The tension leaves your body.

“Fine. Who takes down who?” Mikasa gives you a semi approving look and then points at where Marco’s group is taking off their gear.

“You get the one with the rifle, I’ll get the one holding Krista.”

Marco’s group takes off their gear and weapons, surrendering.

“On the count of three.” You readjust the grip on your swords.

“3… 2… 1…”

There’s a blur of motion while you jump out of the tree. You’re aiming for the one with the rifle, and you don’t care if you accidently cut off a few fingers.

Somewhere in your line of sight you see Mikasa knock Krista away from the man. Rope is tied around Krista’s wrists and you can see red marks from where the skin has been rubbed raw.

Mikasa slams her sword against the darker one’s throat, you do the same to the other. They deserve to die. They’re scum, and they hurt Krista. Nobody would miss them.

“Don’t kill him!” At Krista’s shout you both stop.

Mikasa freezes at Krista’s request. You look at her. She looks back.  _I'll follow your lead, whatever it is, I'll follow._

“I see.” She pulls away her sword and the man collapses, blooding running down his neck from where the skin broke.

“Looks like you went through a lot of trouble.” You lower your sword and the other one collapses as well.

The sound of hooves crunching grass reaches your ears and you watch as a dozen horses come into view. That doesn’t matter though.

Mikasa’s shaking and the grip on her swords has left her with white knuckles and shaking fists. Krista being endangered is enough to make anyone angry, but she looks absolutely livid.

“What’s wrong?” She looks at you, and the burning hatred and rage in her gaze is enough to make you shift your stance.

“Nothing.’

“Obviously not.” You tap her sword with yours and she looks down.

Sigh. “I hate people like that.”  _Then I hate them too, if they make you like this._

“Then hurt them, no one’s going to care if you do.” Mikasa raises an eyebrow at you.

“Krista said-“

“-don’t kill him. If it works out your aggression and he doesn’t die then everyone’s happy.”  _Except for the ones getting hurt._

She shrugs and walks towards the group. Everyone works together to tie up the thieves and alert the Military Police.

You take the first watch over them. It’s been a while since you’ve had something decent to use as a punching bag, and there are two perfectly good ones right in front of you.

* * *

 

An hour later Mikasa takes the shift, there's an assortment of muffled grunting and crying noises, but she doesn't pay attention to them and neither do you. Her shift ends and Reiner takes over.

When the MP's get there, the ones that you took down are considerably more battered than they were a few hours ago. Mikasa walks past you with bloody knuckles. You pretend not to see them as you talk to Reiner and Bertl. You pretend not to care as she cleans Eren’s face. You pretend not to care as everyone thanks only Mikasa for saving the day. You pretend not to care, and the only person who knows that  _you_   _do_ care, is you.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions anyone?


	6. The First Time Always Hurts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is, the odd chapter I think. If I'm being perfectly honest, I would say that this chapter is the one that makes no sense.
> 
> There IS some smut, (I am currently as red as Mikasa's scarf) very mild smut, in this chapter, so if that's not your thing, just skip to the line break after Annie kisses Mikasa and you're in the clear.
> 
> *hides face in hands and starts typing with pencil between teeth*
> 
> On to the story!

Almost exactly a year before the graduation ceremony you and Mikasa are sparring. Mikasa sticks to hard punches while you stick to kicking. She doesn’t try to catch them after she broke her wrist stopping a roundhouse aimed for her rib cage. Now she just dodges and then fires back.

There is only one rule in this… Game? Fight? Training? _Something…_ No one holds back. It’s dangerous and undoubtedly deadly, but at the very least you get challenged.

Mikasa hits your cheek with a hard right and you bring your foot down hard where she was a heartbeat ago. She uses your still moving weight to knock you to the ground and straddle you. Her hands are pinning your hands above your head and there is a far too smug smirk on her face.

(Of course, you beat her twice for every time you lose, but every time you _do_ lose, you never see it coming and she rubs it in your face.)

Mikasa’s locking your legs together with hers and doing her best to make your hands one with the earth. Her face is above yours and you tell yourself that the flushed cheeks are from her fists and the frantic beating of your heart is from the fighting. And breathing is getting a little hard right now.

Concern flits across her face and the smirk drops as she leans down a little closer.

_You’re so close… but you’re so far…_

_“No attachments Annie.”_

_Shut up._

_“They will make you weak.”_

_I’m not weak!_

_“But it will make you weak like them. You see how she fawns over the Yeager boy, it will destroy her.“_

_Just_ shut up _and leave me the_ hell _alone._

_“…”_

Would she let you kiss her? Now, almost four years later, would she do it again? Or would she reject you? Well, there’s only one way to find out. You wait until she’s only a few inches in front of you before you jerk your head up to kiss her.

She pulls away immediately, her lips curling back in a viscous snarl. Sharp words on the tip of her tongue, ready to attack you and call you things, but then she freezes. Why did she stop? Her eyes search yours for something as you lay there. Whatever it is that she’s looking for she finds, and she’s moving back towards you.

It’s nowhere near neat.

Teeth clash almost painfully, and the pressure that was on your wrists has shifted to your lips and you use your newly freed hands to pull her even closer to you. Mikasa pushes back against you, forcing you back against the ground again. The kiss itself rushes up to your head, lights a fire and makes you warm between your legs.  

_Everything is about you, everything is going around you. And I don’t want it to be any different._

She’s almost more important than air at this point. Except you need air to keep kissing her so, air is just a little more important than her, but only just a little.

You squeak (yes squeak) when she slips one of her legs between your thighs and presses upwards. _Damn_ _it’s embarrassing!_ You’re almost sixteen for crying out loud. This kind of contact is supposed to come naturally at this age.

Then again, just about any kind of contact outside of fighting, Reiner’s noogies, and Krista’s spontaneous hugging is terrifying.

She does it again, but you manage not to squeak this time, instead it’s just a choked out pronunciation of her name. You’re not used to any of this, it’s _good_ , but you don’t have any experience prior to this. At all. The fact that there the other cadets touch themselves (and you have the misfortune of hearing it happen) and others should have at least given you the incentive to start experimenting, but you were stubborn and wanted to maintain and your ice queen façade and now you’re paying for it big time.

Your brain registers about half of the things she’s doing to you. You know that your hips are bucking against her leg and your hands are catching the sleeves of your jacket (which is now laying beneath you, leaving you in only your hoodie) and your pants are somewhere between your knees and your ankles, but they are not on the ground.

Of course Mikasa obviously has more experience than you with this because before you know it, she’s pressing kisses to your throat while she moves her leg harder and faster against you. The coil in your stomach is getting tighter each time your hips buck. It’s going to break, and you whimper against her shoulder.

One last push and then there’s white lights everywhere and you choke out _something_ that you think vaguely resembles the syllables of her name, scratching at her back with nails because if you don’t hold onto something then you’re going to fall.

“Annie…” Your eyes open to meet hers. _When did they close?_  She brushes your cheek with the same knuckles that punching you earlier. “Are you okay?” You blink a few times, swallow, and then reach up and hug her.

Ymir had made a few vague comments about sex making you cuddly but you had never paid any attention to those. But now you think that it’s nice being close like this after something like that. You can hear her heartbeat speeds up as yours slows down.

“Thanks.” Then you’re pulling your clothes back on and getting ready to leave for the showers. She watches you shakily stand up, but doesn’t offer any assistance. Not that you would expect her to.

“Wanted to get it out of your system?” She’s making this a lot simpler than she could. At any point Mikasa could mock you for being inexperienced or getting off of what she did, but she doesn’t. And that’s good enough for you right now.

_No! No, I did not want to get it out of my system. Heaven above Mikasa! I like you! I like you and what you do to me! It’s not getting it out of my system!_

 “Yeah.”

You promise yourself that this is the will never happen again. Because you’re not sure if you can handle her not touching there like that and not knowing how you feel.

* * *

 

At dinner you wince when sitting down and Reiner grins.

“Did you and Mikasa finally get it on?” It’s loud enough that everyone stops talking and looks at you. Bertholdt moves out of your immediate striking range and swallows nervously. You look him dead in the eyes.

“No. She kneed me in the crotch.” There’s an assortment of reactions, ranging from ooh’s to ouches to yikes, and then everyone looks at Mikasa expectantly to confirm the story.

“Sorry.” Bertholdt shoots you a desperate look, silently begging you to say something. You twist in your seat and wince again. The entire class winces with you out of sympathy.

“Forgiven.” There’s a loud sigh of relief from Sasha, Connie, Krista, and Mina, and just like that its water under the bridge.

People go back to their conversations and the ones that still choose to look over at you are ignored. Ymir gives your shoulder a single pat as she takes the seat on the other side of Krista. It’s probably the only time that she _isn’t_ being a complete asshole. Krista breaks off a piece of her bread and gives it to you. You accept it, along with a few grapes from Mina. If people are going to give you food for it then sure, you’ll take it.

But you still feel her eyes on your back while you eat and that makes digesting the food almost unbearabe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was looking through tags on Tumblr when I wrote this.
> 
> I'm sorry.
> 
> I really am, but can anyone else see this happening? Like Mikasa and Annie sparring and then Annie being pinned down and being just a little turned on by situation? And may I also add the fact that they're hormonal teenagers? So, in my head at least, Mikasa asking if she just wants to get it out of her system is very logical. 
> 
> Some of you guys have to be teenagers too! You know what its like!
> 
> Anyhoo, if you don't want to keep reading because of this chapter, that is COMPLETELY understandable, but I'm probably never writing this again. And by this I mean smut, so!
> 
> Opinions, comments, questions anyone?


	7. Follow the Leader and Playing Hero

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write, mainly because I barely saw any Annie in the Battle of Trost besides a few scenes here and there, so I'm a little stuck on how I'm working that into this chapter, but hopefully, it turned out okay.
> 
> Onto the actual story!

Bertholdt comes running back in tears. He keeps repeating I’m sorry over and over as he sobs. And for a minute, you’re not sure what he’s saying I’m sorry for, then it hits you.  _It’s different now,_   _none of us are kids anymore._

You wait the few minutes it takes for a messenger from the Garrison Regiment to come in and yell for everyone to gather in the courtyard. Shadis start screaming orders before everyone is outside. He tells you to be prepared to lay down your lives.

Everyone is thrown into squads based on who they're currently standing next to so you get stuck with Reiner and Bertholdt and Marco and some crying vomiting guy that you recognize from one of the Survival Training things.

You take one last look around head quarters, because you have a feeling that this is going to be the last time that you'll see it in this kind of shape.

* * *

 Reiner and Bertholdt quickly develop a strategy. Bertholdt carries you around, passes you to Reiner and then Reiner throws you at the titans. You spin like a disc with your swords, cutting down whatever is so unfortunate as to get in your path. If you're heading towards some rather dangerous Titans, you might use a little gas, but the entire point of the strategy is so that you  _don't_  have to use any gas.

It works well, killing at least twenty titans before gas starts running low, at which point you trade out gas tanks (you take one of theirs and they take one of yours) and the game continues. It's not really a game though, its a strategy, but Reiner's attitude about which mini team can kill the most Titans makes it seem like a game.

After another twenty Titans down, Bertl wobbles in the air saying something as he tosses you to Reiner about running low on gas, so you pull back to the rooftop where everyone else from your class is.  Everyone seems to be having the same problems. Gas is just about out and they would need to get to Head Quarters to get more gas. Sasha's doing her best to rally the troops, but everyone is either paralyzed, or unwilling to fight.

_I am surrounded by living corpses._

Marco joins you and the other two as you stare at the titans climbing over Head Quarters. They've undoubtedly managed to get in and are eating the poor trainees and quartermaster guards stuck inside.

“Reiner, what do you say?”

“We wait. If we do it, we do it when we’re all assembled.”

You grit your teeth. All you want to do is get over the wall and go back to the barracks and complain to Mina about the day. And maybe tease her a little about killing more Titans than her, but you can’t do that if you’re stuck here.

“It’s useless.” Marco mutters. “No matter how you look at it… we’ll be wiped out before we ever get out of this town.” He looks up. “It’s not that I wasn't ready to give my life… But… what is it that I’m dying for?”

Your hand twitches and you put it back in your hoodie pocket. Everyone may as well just give up now, Marco’s giving up. If Marco, the optimist, his happiness and sunshiny attitude rivaling Krista’s is giving up, you’re ninety five percent sure that you’re fucked over.

“Mikasa.”

You must be hallucinating, Mikasa’s with the rearguard, no way that she would be all the way over here.

“Annie!” Nope, it’s definitely her. You would know that somewhat annoyingly beautiful voice anywhere.

“Huh?”

“I have a general grasp of the situation. Forgive me for asking something personal, but… Has anyone seen Eren’s squad?”

_Why do care so much about some stupid boy?_

“I haven’t,” you turn your head towards the inner gate, “but several squads made it up the wall.”

Reiner almost hits your head when he gestures over to something behind you.

“You might want to ask Armin over there.” Oh, right. Armin was in the same squad as Eren and Mina. You look at him. He might know where she is. That'll probably calm down the butterflies rampaging in your stomach.

“…!”  Mikasa runs over to him, not bothering to thank you or Reiner.

_And you say I’m rude…_

“Armin!” He doesn't say anything. “Armin, are you okay? Are you hurt?” He still doesn't say anything. “Where’s Eren?” Still silent. “Armin?” He jerks backwards, holding back sobs with tears streaming down his face.

That’s really not anything out of the norm. Armin cries on a daily basis, but it’s the look in his eyes that makes you stop and look again. He looks, traumatized, and even though he just fought Titans he shouldn't look  _that_ scared.

“We… Cadets… of Squad 34…Thomas Wagner… Nack Tius… Millius Zerumski… Mina Carolina…” _Tell me that they all escaped except for you. Tell me!_  But you don’t say that out loud. “Eren Yeager… These five… carried out their mission and put up a heroic fight!” You stare at him. You heard him wrong, you had to have heard him wrong. Mina's not, no, she-she isn't. She  _can't_ be…

“No…”

”Squad 34 was decimated?

”That’s what’ll happen to us if we fight the Titans head-on…”

A cold weight settles in your stomach. Mina was nice to you, and she knew you. Knew you better than anyone. But now she’s gone and you want to kill. You want to kill every damn titan in Trost, kill-no destroy the one that took Mina away from you.

_People panic as they try to prepare for battle. You fiddle with your bracelet and walk over the rest of your squad. There's actually a chance that you might die today. But you’re too good to die like this, so you don't give it to much thought. Mina gives you a wave as she passes by. She jumps when you grab her by the shoulder._

_“You are not allowed to die." She mouths words at you, voice lost for a second before smiling. She knows who you really want to say those words to._

_“I’ll be fine.” Mina tries to leave, but you grab her wrist and yank her back. She winces at the pressure and you suspect you might be hurting her, so you loosen it just a bit._

_“Promise me.” The words are hissed out. She hugs you and you hug her back, burying your face in her neck._

_“Don’t worry, I promise.” You can’t afford to lose her._

_“She’s made you weak Annie.”_

_You ignore him, instead running over to your squad._

She wasn't supposed to die, she promised you. She  _fucking_   _promised_  you that she wouldn't die! _But its my fault. She's gone because I wouldn't let go. I wouldn't let go of that stupid mission._

Maybe it was your fault for not letting go of that stupid mission. But you are going to  _destroy_ the Titan that took her away. You may have been the who started this mess, but you can still avenge her. You are going to find it, and you are going to. Tear. It. Apart.

“I’m so sorry, Mikasa… Eren gave his life for me. I couldn't do anything… I’m so sorry!” Mikasa crouches down.

“Armin… Calm down. This is no time to be getting sentimental.” Mikasa is right.

You can’t get sentimental, not at a time like this. Becoming sentimental means that you’ll become sloppy, and being sloppy means death. It’s almost a guaranteed death sentence, and if you want to avenge Mina, you can’t be dead.

“Marco, if we get rid of the Titans fathered near Headquarters, we could refill our gas tanks and get everyone over the wall. Isn't that right?”

“Yeah… you’re correct. But even with your help, there are too many of them…”

“We can do this.”

“Huh?”

She turns around when she raises her sword in the air. Almost like a toast.

“I am… Stronger. Stronger than all of you… Much stronger! I can scatter those Titans. Even if I have to do it myself…” You stare up at her, insulted and a little awed. She has speaking skills and knows how to get people moving. That much you’ll give her, but what she does with her motivational skills is still undetermined. “You guys are cowards and wusses… without fighting skills.”  _Bullshit. I've beaten you in sparring twice as many times as you've beaten me._  “I feel sorry for you. Stay here and twiddle your thumbs… Watch me do this.”

_You’re going to do what exactly? Get yourself killed?!_

“Now hold on, Mikasa! Why’re you saying those things?!”

“You plan on taking on that many Titans by yourself?”

“There’s no way you could-“

“If I can’t, I die. But if I win, I live. I can’t win unless I fight.” Her words are ringing through your ears as she jumps off the roof. Someone shouts after her, but you don’t care who. All you really care about is avenging Mina. And if following Mikasa is the way to do it, then that is what you're going to do.

“What’s shameful is your way with words.” Jean mutters. “That was a lame pep talk… It’s your fault, Eren!” He raises his sword like Mikasa. “Hey! Did they teach you to let a fellow soldier fight alone?! You’re turning into pathetic cowards!” He and Connie follow Mikasa.

Reiner grumbles behind you. “That was insulting.” He follows you towards the edge of the roof.

“Hey, cowards! Weaklings! Fools!” Sasha shouts behind you. Then there’s a hiss and she’s following you. There’s a war cry and a roll of thunder as the other cadets jump and start following the steaming bodies of dead Titans that Mikasa leaves behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Questions, comments, opinions anyone?
> 
> And I'm updating again tonight. I swear to Annie trapped in crystal that I am updating again tonight.


	8. Poser

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I managed to update! I did it! And I think there'll be another chapter tomorrow morning too. Damn this is going by fast.

Mikasa disappears when her gas runs out and Jean is forced to take the lead. He gives the order to continue moving towards headquarters and leaps off the roof. Reiner is the one who follows him first, and then Bertholdt, then you, and people decide that because the three of you are following him, it’s the right thing to do.

The arrival at Headquarters is not as smooth and easy going as you thought it would be. Pieces of glass crack under the feet of the other cadets who made it jump through the open windows. Once you’ve landed, you get the hell out of the way so that the next person coming in doesn’t crush you. A piece of glass cuts your cheek, and you pray that no one notices the flesh stitch itself back together.

Jean punches one of the quartermaster guards and Marco is forced to hold him back. You exhale heavily and turn to follow the other cadets farther inside of the building when two Titans break through the wall closest to you. Your swords are drawn and you're ready to kill them when a gigantic fist knocks both of them back. Another Titan appears where the other two were. It roars and starts attacking the other Titans gathered around the building.

A Titan attacking Titans.

What the hell have you been smoking, and where can you get more of it.

Connie crashes through the last window carrying Armin with Mikasa following close behind. They start explaining that the Titan is a unique variant, a rogue, that goes around killing other Titans. You ignore them and check Mikasa over for injuries. And you'll admit that you are far more relieved than you should be thatArmin, Connie, and Mikasa arrive at Headquarters, with little to no damage done to them. When everyone is farther inside the building you swallow your pride and shove your heart back down into your chest.

“Are you okay?” Mikasa blinks at you.

“Yeah. You?”

“Fine.” She moves past you to help Armin down the stairs and Reiner smirks at you, mouthing the words to a children’s nursery rhyme:

_Mikasa and Annie_

_Sittin’ in a tree_

_K-I-S-S-I-N-G!_

You swear it’s not your fault when he falls down the stairs.

* * *

 Jean and some of the others are trying to get weapons while you and Reiner try and get information on the new Titan. He thinks that it might be a shifter, and so do you. It had the same fighting style as the other trainees, the one you were taught during training.

Mikasa didn't know anything about it other than it was loud and killed Titans almost obsessively. Armin had only seen it for a few minutes, so he didn't know anything more than Mikasa. And now you were trying to ask Connie about it. 

“How much do you guys know about that Titan?” Connie furrows his brow at the question.

“It saved us, so what does it matter?”

_Well it matters a lot actually._

If it’s a shifter, then it’s useful, if it’s not a shifter, you kill it when you’re done using it.

“I suppose you’re right. It saved you.”

* * *

 “We found these!” Jean, Marco, and two others come in carrying boxes.

All of them are filled with shotguns, great… Just what the hell are you supposed to do with shotguns? Military Police grade or not, Titans can’t be killed with them. They’re useless. You lean back against Bertl and sigh. It’s hopeless. You’re going to die. You’re all going to die.

Armin however, springs into action, forming a plan to take down the Titans. He explains it quickly. Pointing out how everyone is going to do it and what parts they’ll be playing. You, Mikasa, Reiner, Bertholdt, Sasha, Connie, and Jean are going to be the ones killing the Titans and everyone else will be the distractions.

Sasha, Connie, and Reiner are talking nonsense about the Titans. Hitting there kill spots or something. Reiner raises his sword and almost cuts off your ear. You swear that when you are out of here, you are going to kick his ass for all of the almost damage he could have done to your head.

“Or else, shove this up there ass! They only have two weak points.”

“I didn’t know that! That works too?!” Connie sounds amazed.

“It’s the first I heard of it too.” Sasha murmurs. You’re about to say that you’re surrounded by idiots when Jean beats you to the punch.

“Reiner, those might be the last words we remember you by.”

You almost thank him, but just then Mikasa bumps into you and you're distracted by the smell of her hair.

_Damn it..._

* * *

 Everyone picks a titan to kill. Positions are taken and the lift lowers. All the titans crowd closer to the group. Ready, aim…

“FIRE!”

The cadets in the lift fire and the seven of you run and jump towards the blinded titans. Reiner and Bertholdt hit the ground first, you kill yours, but you can’t tell how the others did. You _thought_ that everyone took down their titan, but apparently not. Sasha and Connie fail to kill their titans.

“Annie.”

You turn around. Mikasa looks at you and then the Titans. She starts climbing a pile of sand bags on one side and you do the same. Mikasa kills hers cleanly, smoothly, and so do you. But you’re showing off. Twisting your hips that much isn’t necessary, you have enough strength to pull it off without the extra help, but _her_ eyes are on you and it hurts to admit that you want to keep her attention just a little longer.

“Thanks.” Connie manages to give you a stiff half bow.

“Forget it.”

You’re not purposely trying to be rude this time, but it isn’t _his_ attention that you want. It’s _hers_. And currently Sasha has it.

 “Hey, c’mon… That was close Annie. Thank goodness you’re not hurt.” You ignore them and walk away. If they’re upset about your lack of response you can’t bring yourself to care. It hurts you even more that it was Reiner who commented about your well being instead of Mikasa. It was her plan, so she should at least have checked to make sure you were alright.

The cadets jump out of the life and rush to get their tanks filled, and you’re just about to do it too, when something catches your eye. It’s the Titan that Mikasa killed, the one with the big eyes, there’s a piece of blue in its mouth. _I know that blue._ You crouch down and pick it up. It’s a light blue hair tie, and there’s a piece of black hair still stuck to it. You toss away the hair and pocket it. Then very calmly draw your sword and start stabbing the steaming corpse.

Those who aren’t overly excited about getting their tanks filled look over. Each and every single one of them blanches. You stab him again because this- _stab_ -is- _stab_ -the- _stab_ -Titan- _stab_ -who- _stab_ _stab_ -killed- _stab stab stab_ -Mina- _stab_.

* * *

The evaporating skull is in a hundred different pieces by the time your rage is through.

Connie makes a face as you walk past him and start refilling your tanks.

“Geez Annie, what did that Titan ever do to you?”

“It killed Mina.” You can almost _hear_ the gears turning in their brains as they try to understand just what it is that you said. _Annie? As in Annie Leonhardt? Care about someone? Bullshit. But then again… she basically destroyed that Titan. And how did she know it killed Mina? Why did she react that way, did she really- did she actually care about Mina?_

The answer to those questions?

Yes. Yes you did care about Mina.

* * *

 The tanks finish filling and you leave with Reiner and Bertholdt. Mikasa is standing on the roof and Armin joins her. You follow him up the building. In front of you the Rogue Titan is being devoured by the other titans.

_Definitely a shifter._

“I agree.” Mikasa looks at Reiner, surprised. “If it’s completely devoured, we’ll never learn a thing! Let’s drive away the Titans around it and keep it alive!”

“Are you crazy Reiner?!” _Jean_. “We finally have our chance to get out of this hell!”

“What if there’s a possibility of that Titan becoming our ally? Wouldn’t that be a more powerful weapon than any cannon we have?” Well, when you say _our_ ally, you don’t mean the ally of the 104th, but it’ll take them a long time for them to figure it out.

“Huh?! Did you say ally?! Are you serious?!” He can’t seem to wrap his head around what you’re saying. Armin gasps and points over at an extremely skinny Titan.

“That’s… the unique variant that ate Thomas!” It’s disturbing to look at to say the least. There’s more skin that muscle, and each bone is visible under the barely there skin.

The Rogue Titan roars, eyes glowing green and shakes off the titans eating him. It loses its arms, and the ribs on its right are exposed, but it’s obviously on a mission to kill that unique variant. It kills it, roars one last time, and then collapses from exhaustion. If you’re right, then out of the nape of its neck there should be a human.

Reiner, Bertholdt, and you all lean in a little closer to try and see.

You’re right, there is a human. It’s Eren actually. Mikasa jumps off the roof using her 3DMG to get as close as possible, then she’s running. She clutches his body and starts sobbing, openly sobbing. And it’s unnerving. It would be like, if you started laughing or Bertholdt started giving orders like Shadis.

This is not a side of Mikasa that you want to see. Ever. And as unnerving as it is, you feel a pang in your chest.

You wish that it was your body she was holding. If you had shifted instead of Eren. Then maybe Mikasa would be clutching you, crying on _you_ , instead of on _him_.

_"Those thoughts are not yours to think Annie. I want you to make the whole world your enemy."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Opinions, questions, comments anyone?


	9. Where'd you go?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No matter how hard you try, you’re never good enough. You screw up everything, hurt the people you love, kill the ones you care about. Just what kind of monster are you?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll probably update in the morning. High school is just, ugh. So yeah, check back in the morning and for those of you that have to go to Hell school-I mean High school, what supernatural abilities do you posses to allow to awaken at such an ungodly hour?

You’re cleaning up corpses in Trost district after the battle when you see her. _Her_ body, Mina.

She’s slumped on the ground with her head chewed up. One of her blue hair bands is on the ground next to her and the black hair on her head is unforgettable. Only two people in the entire 104th class had black hair. Mikasa and Mina. And Mikasa is alive and well, so the only other possibility is that it’s Mina.

The cloth that was tied around your face to prevent the inhalation of mold and other dangerous things is hanging off of your neck. Arms that should be helping drag bodies to the burning areas lay limp at your sides. People keep doing things naming, counting, and moving bodies, but all you can do is stand there and stare at her.

“I’m sorry.” _For not protecting you. For not keeping you safe. I’m sorry Mina I’m so sorry. I should have done more. I should have put you in my squad, swapped you with Daz. Let this be a dream. Please, just let this be a dream._

Four months prior…

_You were sitting on Mina’s bed with her. It was something the two of you would do, when everyone else was sleeping, sit on her bed and talk about things, or go up to the roof if it was a nice night._

_But tonight was a little different, normally you would be listening to her talk about something while she stroked your hair, or she would hold you. It was a little weird whenever she held you, but you liked it. You liked it a lot actually. Because, if you close your eyes and head your held the right way, Mina would sound just like_ her.

_That was what you were doing that night. She was holding you to her chest. You was listening to her heartbeat as she talked._

_“Do you care about me?” She stares at you in a way that makes you want to look away, but you don’t. You have to know._

_“Of course.” She pushes some hair behind your ear. “Why are you asking?” You bury your face in her chest to hide your blush._

_“It’s stupid.”_

_“Nothing is stupid. Now what is it?”_

_“You’re my only friend-.” She grabs you by your shoulders and hoists you up so you have to look her in the eyes._

_“That’s bull-“ her arms are longer than yours by just enough that you can only touch her with your finger tips if she holds you like this._

_“You’re my only friend. And I don’t want to lose you.” That was probably the most embarrassing and heartfelt thing that you’ve ever said in your life, scratch that. It was_ _the_ only _heartfelt thing that you’ve said in your life. She puts you back in your original position, except this time, you push yourself onto your hands and knees so you’re hovering over her._

_“Annie,” she puts a hand on your cheek, “I’m not going anywhere.” You growl._

_“You don’t know that.” Your fingers fist the sheets on either side of her head. She closes her eyes and sighs._

_“No I don’t, but that doesn’t mean that I’m just going to walk away from you. I’m here Annie, I’m right here.” It takes you a minute to grasp what she’s saying, because it’s hard to see her and there are wet spot on her cheeks, but they can’t be hers._ They’re mine. _“You don’t always have to be the hero you know…”_

_You want to laugh. You’re no hero. You’re the villain. The bad guy, the antagonist, what did you do to this poor girl to make her think that you’re the hero? She wraps her arms around you and pulls you back down, down to earth, down to her._

_“How about, just for tonight, you lean on me. I can be your shoulder to cry on. Let me be your hero tonight, and if you want to do this again, then great, but Annie, you’re not alone. You will never be alone. Not as long as I’m here.”_

_I’m not hero, but I need you Mina. Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me. Don’t leave me when you find out. Please don’t…_

Back to the present…

_I don’t want to go back to being alone again…_

“I’m sorry.” _Let this be a trick._ The hair band that’s hanging over your heart tells you otherwise, and the one on the opposite arm as your bracelet drags you down. And the corpse in front of you, it’s making denial impossible. You can’t hide from the facts.

_“You failed Annie. You failed me.”_

_I’m sorry._

She had made you reconsider. The mission your father gave you, she made you reconsider. You had told Mina, and she forgave you, and now she’s gone… All the people that you ever care about are always gone…

“I’m sorry.”

No matter how hard you try, you’re never good enough. You screw up everything, hurt the people you love, kill the ones you care about. Just what kind of monster are you?!

“Apologizing won’t help. Giving them a quick funeral will.” _Reiner_. He’s right, but you should have been able to do more to protect her. You start carrying Mina’s body over to the mass grave. Jean falls in step beside you. Carrying the remains of Marco’s body with the same delicacy as you carry Mina.

“Annie… Did you… did you see how he died?”

_“Annie? Annie what are you- AHHH!” Screaming, blood. So much blood, and it feels so good to. Letting go of the anger left inside from Mina’s death. “Annie! Please stop!” Anger feels so nice right now, wrapping you up in its warm embrace. It’s keeping you safe from a world of caring and pain._

_“Annie… It’s me… Marco…”_ Marco? _“Please stop…”_ Why should I? _“I’m your- your friend. Annie, why, why are you… why are you doing this?_ My friend? _And suddenly the anger holding you and the fire in your veins is freezing cold, and the blood on your hands is too hot. Marco’s in front of you, his body leaning against a wall, torn apart. Half of his face missing._

_“No… no-no-no-no-no-no-no…” Marco… “What have I done?” I’m sorry Marco. I’m so sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry._

“No.” He nods at your answer.

“I’m sorry about Mina.”

You swallow down a lump. Jean doesn’t say anything after that. Does he understand? Does he understand that silence is needed for this particular situation? He must, because all he does is set down Marco next to the growing pile of bodies.

The burial is quick, everyone watches the corpses burn with a sick feeling. They feel horrible that their friends and family died, but at the same time they’re relieved, knowing that they’re the ones that lived. Everyone feels pain. And everyone watches as the ashes become unrecognizable.

 


	10. Abduction

Reiner had managed to send you a messenger bird with plans about the 57th expedition. Bertholdt had sent another one telling you not to trust Eren’s position, because he and Reiner had been told that Eren was in different positions. It had taken you a while to figure out a strategy of attack.

Attacking from the left would have worked. Except that _she_ was there, and _she_ was a danger to your plan. _She_ was the only person minus the ‘Levi’ that was mentioned that could do major damage to you.

Attacking from the right would work a lot better. Easier actually, although there would be some experienced Scouting Legion members on there, none of them had more than ten Titan kills. So if you managed to come in from the top right, and knock them out, maybe even draw some other Titans in, they wouldn't know what hit them. And Reiner's there too, so maybe he could find a way to tell you where Eren would be... Yeah, that would work. You write him a quick letter and tie to the leg of the messenger bird. The second that you open the window, it flies out, returning to its place somewhere in Wall Rose.

You toss the maps into the fire and watch them burn. All you have to do now is come up with a good excuse as to why you should be allowed to leave for a few days.

_I could say my dad died._

Too easy.

_My mother is ill?_

Still too easy. They would see right through that one, its been recorded that you don't have a mother.

_Damn it then what?_

_BANG!!!_

Hitch walks into the room half naked and drags you out to the common area before you can even think of flipping her over your head.

“Boris! Marlo! I found our fourth person for strip poker!” Boris and Marlo avert their eyes and not so subtly try to hide their bodies. “Okay Annie, we’ll start over, all you have to do is play and whenever you lose, you take off one of your clothes okay?” She gives you the most evil smile you’ve ever seen. The boys glance at your attire as they pull on their shirts and blush. All you’re wearing is a sweatshirt and pants. _Great._

“I’m not playing.”

“Relax, we have all week to fool around, the actual work doesn’t start until next Monday. You’ll have plenty of time to destroy the punching bags later.”

Of course! The training here is really lax, and this is your week off. People are getting drunk and laid and lost and showing up at really odd hours, so it’ll work perfectly for abducting Eren!

“Still not playing.” Hitch grabs your wrist in a grip so tight you feel the bones crack.

“Yes you are.” She shoves cards in your hand.

Twenty minutes later…

Marlo and Boris are wearing their boxers, Hitch is wearing her pants and bra, and you’re still fully clothed.

“Wow Annie, you’re like the best at this game. I bet you’ll always be the winner!”

_Will I?_

You shove the thought away and shrug, silently thanking Reiner for making you play the game last year in a heat wave. They don’t say anything when you leave at midnight, taking your 3DMG under your cloak and heading towards the wall.

_Showtime…_

* * *

You’re running, whether you’re running towards something or away from something you’re not really sure. All you know is that you’re running as fast as you can with Eren in your mouth.

At this point you could be running in circles, but you highly doubt it. Wait, why are you running again?

“I’LL TEAR YOU APART!” _That’s why…_

A certain red scarf clad member of the Scouting Legion is chasing after you and she’s chasing after you with the intention to kill.

There’s ice creeping through you as you listen to her words, listen to the way she talks, how she plans to slice you apart and take back her precious boyfriend. It doesn’t matter that she’s addressing Eren, just the fact that she’s saying those things, that she’ll do those things to you… it’s scary, and you want to spit him out and get the _hell_ out of there.

The sting of her blades is nothing compared to the feel of her anger. She stops attacking you and you’re given distance and time to heal. Enough so that you think that maybe you’ll be able to get away from this alive.

Something zips under your feet. _Mikasa?_ She’s flying around at ground level, and you’re forced to maneuver your feet so that the risk of crushing her won’t be so great. It doesn’t make any sense though, why would she be moving like that? It’s so distracting. _Shit._

Someone is behind you and when you turn around to crush them, they blind you. It sounds like a boy, maybe older than that, probably in his twenties. He slashes through you and zips away before you can register him attacking. Your legs give you and fall against a tree, covering the nape of your neck.

The muscles in your neck are cut through and your head slumps forward. A cord hits your shoulder. So this is it, this is how you’re going to die. And honestly? You can’t really bring yourself to care right now.

“NO!” Wait, that was the male’s shout, so that means that… The person trying to kill you… is Mikasa.

Concentrating on regenerating the muscles in you left arm, you raise it. Ready to catch her and crush one of the gear boxes. Something lands on your hand and then the cord is pulled out. You feel a sharp pain on your cheeks and then your jaw is open, and the weight of Eren disappears.

“He’s not my-“ her words are cut off by another stab of pain.

_He’s not your what Mikasa? Lover? Boyfriend? Brother? Friend? What? What is he to you?_

You feel the tears streaming down your face, but you don’t care.

She would kill you. She would kill you and not care, but you can’t bear the _thought_ of killing her. The tears increase, and alongside it, your fears of dying at her hands.


	11. I'm not a good person

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter yes I know, but the rest of it will be up in a few hours or so, depending on when I get back from running errands for my parents.

So apparently, Eren is in a carriage that’s passing through the Stohess district, if you can manage to cause a distraction, something that can stop them for a minute or so, maybe you can get another chance of abducting Eren. Reiner and Bertholdt are here too, and they’ll help you escape and get back home.

You run after the other MP’s when the last carriage passes, intercepting them by the bridge would work. Break a few of Eren’s limbs to prevent him from being able to shift, and then have Reiner break the wall and you’re in the clear!

_I just want this stupid mission to be over and go home already._

“Annie.” It takes you a moment to realize that it wasn’t your imagination, so you turn and back and follow it.

“Hey… You look right at home with the Military Police!”

“Armin.”

 _Why are you here? How are you still alive?_ You were sure you killed him, there was so much blood. There’s no way he could have survived that. But he seems to be healed and healthy now.

“Why’re you dressed like that?”

 Bertholdt must have started rubbing off on you, because even though the green jacket looks absolutely ridiculous on him, you don’t say it out loud.

“I’m part of the cargo detail. This rain gear conceals my 3D Maneuvering Device. See?”

_Cargo detail? What?_

“What’s going on?”

Something about this isn’t right. You wiggle your toes. The titan part of you is getting antsy, it senses something bad. And Armin, he’s sweating, you can see that clearly, smell it too. But he’s talking far too easily, like he’s trying to persuade you, or trick you into doing something.

“Annie… Would you help let Eren escape?”

“Escape… where?” _So many questions…_ it growls _, that’s bad. Bad, bad, bad, bad, bad._ “Against the orders of the monarchy? Where would you hide within these walls?”

“It’ll just be temporary. We have no intention of directly defying the monarchy. This is an act of resistance by a group within the Scout Regiment… to buy us time to overturn the influence of the commission…”

“Overturn…?” _What?_ “Do you conveniently happen to have something to stand on?”

“I’m sorry, but I can’t say.” You sigh. This is just not something you really want to deal with right now. This is bullshit.

“Sorry, then. This isn’t going anywhere… I won’t tell anyone, so good luck.” You turn and walk away. Wasting your time like this is pathetic.  There is a job waiting for you, a _duty,_ a _purpose,_ and _this_ isn’t it.

“Annie! Please!” Keep walking. “Eren will die if we don’t do something!” Stop. _Bullshit,_ your Titan growls, _they wouldn’t kill something as precious as him. Besides! Mikasa would never allow that to happen!_ It’s true, you know it is. Mikasa would rather destroy humanity than let someone take Eren away from her. And when someone does take Eren away from her, she’ll do everything she can to kill them. You would know… You have firsthand experience.

“Ignorant people who only want to protect themselves are blindly moving along a path for the destruction of humankind!” _That’s pretty much what my job is._ “I realize that I’m not very convincing…” _No you’re not._ “But still, our only chance is take a huge gamble! We’ll do our best to keep from getting in trouble. But the help of a Military Police soldier is crucial to make it past the checkpoint at Wall Sina. We have no other way…”

You can’t tell if he’s being serious or not. Regardless… There’s only one way to find out.

“Do I…” _A test, to figure things out,_ “look like such a good person to you?”

“A good person… That’s a term I don’t care for much… because I feel that’s a term for someone who suits your convenience. No one exists who suits everyone. That’s why if you don’t do what I ask, Annie… To me, you’ll be a bad person.”

A bad person? You already are, sure, there are the moments where you can be counted as a good person, but in reality, you’re a bad person. Hell, you barely count as a person, considering how many people you’ve killed…

You turn and look at him, take in everything about him. His posture, his expression, emotion, everything. Very slowly you reach up for the strap of your rife and lean it against the wall. _One last time, I’ll be a good person._

“Okay…” He gasps. Then looks away from you and swallows hard. Guilt? You slide on your ring. “I’ll do it.” _Yes,_ you think, _definitely guilt._


	12. In The End

You lead Mikasa, Eren, and Armin one of the streets in an abandoned part of town.

“That was easier than I thought.” Mikasa shushes Eren. “That’s the Military Police for you… show how lax they are at their jobs.”

“Stop looking around.” You almost forgot what her voice sounds like without anger.

“Now we have to hope that no one notices Jean posing as me.” An image of Jean sitting in a carriage wearing a wig pops into your mind. You bite your tongue to keep up your poker face. “It won’t be long before he’s found out… He and I don’t look anything alike.” Arin looks back at him.

“It’ll be just fine. Both of you have sinister eyes and the look of a criminal.”

“I don’t have his horse-face!”

You admit that at this point you’re getting curious. So you thrown in your opinion. _Hoping Mikasa will throw in hers too?_ You Titan sneers.

_Shut up._

“So if I hadn’t helped you, how were you planning to get past the wall?”

Armin answers, sweat forming on his brow. _Something is definitely up._ “We were going to use our 3D Maneuvering Devices to break in.”

“That’s reckless. You could’ve avoided trouble if you had escaped before entering Stohess district. Why here and now?”

“We felt the complex layout of the city would better the chance of our body double plan succeeding. And instead of a direct defiance, we felt that feigning compliance would dispel suspicions and earn us more time to escape.”

“I see. You’ve convinced me.”

Above the sound of your footsteps, you can hear their hair rustle as they look at each other. That’s all the evidence you need.

 “There!” They rush over to a set of stairs. You look down at it. It’s dark and dingy, and no. You are _not_ going down there. It’s like a giant mouth ready to swallow you and crush you. You can’t even shift if they decide to attack you.

_Why did I fall for this?_

“Here?”

“Yes. We’ll go through here. The ruins of an underground city planned in the past are under here.”

One by the one they go down the stairs. Leaving you at the top. _Ironic,_ you think _, You’re-I’m always alone at the top._ You should take them now, while you still have the chance.

“This leads right up to the outer gate.”

“Really? That’s incredible. Eren stops when he realizes that you aren’t following them. “Annie? You’re not afraid of cramped, dark places are you?” _Interesting choice of words…_

“That’s right, I’m afraid.” _Of what you might do to me if I go with you._ “A brave guy like yourself wouldn’t understand what a frail maiden feels.”

“No _maiden_ who can flip a grown man can be called _frail_. Stop being silly, let’s go!” He continues going down the stairs, Mikasa and Armin trailing after him.

_That’s all they ever do,_ you think bitterly, _that’s all_ she _ever does. Is follow, follow, follow._ Around you more cloths and cloaks rustle, shadows that aren’t supposed to be there shift in the still light.

“No. I’m not going.”

They freeze, and you can practically _taste_ their horror. How can they be so horrified? It shouldn’t be that much of a surprise that you don’t want to go with them.

“I’m afraid of going that way. If you won’t travel above ground, I won’t help you.”

“What’s gotten into you?! Hurry up and come over here! Stop being absurd!” _Look Annie, he’s getting desperate, how amusing._ You can _feel_ your Titan grinning at them. It’s like another person sometimes, watching over your shoulder, breathing down your neck, waiting for you to let it take control again. It smiles and leans closer over your shoulder. _Watch him, he acts like a lovesick idiot._

“Eren! Don’t shout!”

“It’s okay Mikasa.” A noise of surprise passes her lips, loud enough for you to hear. “For a while now, there haven’t been people in this area.” The breeze alternates between blowing your hair into your face and out of it

“Gosh, I really feel hurt… When did you start suspecting me, Armin?”

“Annie… Why did you have Marco’s 3D maneuvering device?” You don’t react on the outside, but the inside is a completely different story.

_“Annie! Please stop this!” “I’m sorry Marco, I’m so sorry. I’m so so sorry…”_

“Those small scratches and dents, they’re the memories of the maintenance we did on it together. I knew right away.”

“I see. I found it.” _Seriously?! That’s the best excuse I could come up with?!_ Their anger is like better copper. It burns your nose and makes it comfortable to breathe.

“So you’re the one who killed the two titans we captured alive?”

“Who’s to say? But if you suspected that one month ago, why didn’t you say anything about it then?” Their loyalty to you is confusing, they obviously suspect you, but they aren’t really doing anything to capture you, at least, not yet.

“I still can’t believe it…” Armin clenches a fist. “I wanted to believe my eyes were deceiving me. That’s why I… But the same could be said for you Annie. You didn’t kill me back there. That’s why this is happening.”

You really should have killed him when you had the chance, if you had, then this wouldn’t be happening. But you can’t kill him, Mikasa cares about him, so killing him would hurt her, and you don’t want that to happen.

“In my heart of hearts, I never thought you’d back me into a corner like this. Back then… Why didn’t I…” Your voice falters, but you don’t really know why.

“Hey, Annie! I think maybe you’re an unlucky fool in the wrong place at the wrong time whose making up stupid stories to cover for herself.” _Look at him, he’s so desperate. SHUT UP!_ “Just come over here! You can prove a lot by coming underground with us! Come with us and prove yourself!”

“I can’t go in there. I failed to become a warrior.”

_Just like I failed to become a soldier, like I failed to protect Mina…_

“That’s why this is so stupid!” He’s so angry right now, so desperate…

“Tell us, Annie! We can talk this through!” _So is Armin._

“Forget it.” Mikasa’s single step is like thunder. She takes off her rain cloak and draws her swords. A voice in the back of your mind says she’s beautiful. “I can’t listen to anymore of this. We’re not getting anywhere… I’m going to slice up again, Female Titan!”

_She knows._ You think. _Oh thank the gods she knows. I can finally stop pretending._ It’s a sweet relief actually. You have nothing left to hide. The chaos is building inside you. The insanity that’s been grown from all of your negative emotions for the past ten years. Anger, pain, sadness, confusion, it’s all leaking out. Pushing itself through the cracks in your mind. A twisted smile comes up your face. Your body jerks forward, like someone pulling strings on a puppet.

This is insanity, it has to be. There is no other explanation for it. You do the only thing that you can do right now, that seems normal.

_But nothing is normal, not anymore…_

You laugh.

You grasp your arm to keep _some_ part of you contained. Below Eren and Armin are horrified. Mikasa just looks angry, but can you blame her? No, not really. You can’t blame her. And therein lays the problem. You haven’t been able to blame her for anything. For the past six months.

“Armin, I’m glad I was a good person to you. For now, your gamble paid off. But, my gamble, begins here!” You raise your right hand to your mouth. At the same time, Armin shoots a flare and the shadows that shouldn’t have been there spring to life. _Predictable._

One of them gags you, while the others hold you down. Mikasa holds Eren back as your gazes meet.

Grey saying I’ll kill you.

Blue whispering how could you?

Horror flashes across Mikasa’s face as you flick open the blade on your ring. She grabs Armin and Eren and runs into the tunnel. Mikasa is getting desperate now. She’ll turn back into a monster again. But you? You become a Titan.

They’re running further farther into the tunnels, thinking that maybe you won’t be able to reach them, and you probably can’t. Not by reaching _after_ them at least. Their voices are coming up from a drain, a pace or so away from your current position. You stomp through it.

They’re plotting, you know they are. Mikasa and Armin appear, but no Eren, again you stomp through the ground, hoping to draw him out. A hissing noise alerts you to them coming after you. You go after Mikasa first.

After all…

She’s the one that poses an actual threat. “Annie, I won’t let you have Eren!”

Mikasa is coming after you and you turn away. She yells something, probably a death threat, as you cover your nape and last out at her with your other arm. The shot misses and hits a building. The shower of your debris hits Mikasa as she tries to dodge.

_I’m sorry._

The thought is sent her way. You can almost form the words, but at the last second you bite them back and turn away. Your fingers grow back as members of the scout region fly towards you. They’re good. They evade your attacks and then flip right back at you. But you know how their gear works. Something slices through your ankle, then you’re losing you balance.

_Mikasa…_ Damn you for being so _weak._

They’re like flies, zipping past you. But dad trained you for this. You’ll be fine. Armin and Jean lead you into a trap. Nails and wires halt your movement, and it’s like the giant forest all over again. You fall, and they throw a metal net over you. _It hurts…_ No matter.

A woman with (goggles) sticks a sword in front of your eye. The look on her face absolutely insane. _There’s a monster inside of her too._ You realize. _There’s a monster inside everybody._

She says things. Things that you can’t really understand, but they aren’t good things. They’re bad things, she wants to hurt you, you can see it her eyes. You kick away the traps. Mikasa and the crazy woman land on a roof while you run away.

_“Just promise me, you’ll come home.”_

Mikasa comes at you again, you take a wild swipe at her, and this time, she doesn’t get away fast enough. Mikasa falls, and so do more of your tears. Dammit, you just want to go home. There’s a lightning bolt, an explosion, the ground is shaking, and then you’re crashing into a building. Peopel under you. Dead and injured. At least a hundred of them, and under your left hand are three children, all holding hands. Even in death. You’re angry.

At Eren’s roar you dash towards the wall, dodging the buildings neatly while he slams into them with all the grace of a drunken battle horse. He’s angry, predictable, but his anger fuels his strength and he catches your kick and throws you.

Then you’re running and fighting again. The skin on your right shin crystallizes. Ready to kick him. Eren punches back at you.

_Annie!_

Eren charges you again. You kick him and prepare to escape. But he’s biting your leg, determined to keep you there. Again you crystallize your skin. This time from your fingers halfway to your elbow, bring it down as hard as you can on his head. You beat Eren with your fist. He growls while you scream.

Again- _until slowly_ -

_“Annie.”_

Hit him again- _the pressure_ -and again- _on your leg_ -and again-

_“Daddy will always be on your side.”_

- _is gone_. Hit him one last time for good measure. You’re gone again, racing for the wall again.

_“I’m sorry.”_

Something breaks behind you.

You look.

It’s Eren. He’s burning, like literally _burning._ Flames are coming off his skin at random and where there isn’t skin, there’s red hot muscle growing back.

When he tackles you, your mouth opens to yell, but you’re mute in this form. You cover the nape of your neck. Focusing on using all of the light rays to heal as many wounds as possible. The light from his body makes it easier, but he still does damage to you, a _lot_ of damage.

Eren puts a hand over your face and squeezes. Hard. Pain shoots through you as your eyes explode. An elbow to the face makes him drop you. He throws a sloppy punch at you. It misses, leaving him wide open. You kick him into a building.

_Get away!_

Crystal claws to climb the walls.

_Get away!_

Eren grabs your leg. You cut it off. You’re so close.

_Hurry!_

Ten meters away from the top of the wall when the sound of 3D Maneuvering Gear catches up to you. It’s Mikasa. Of course it would be her.

_Let me go. Please Mikasa, just let me go._

She doesn’t listen. She never does, not to you at least. But after what you’ve done to the people that she cares, you’re nothing but a _fool_ for thinking that she might listen.

The fingers on your right hand are the first to go. Quickly you start re-growing them. Off come the fingers of your left hand, but you’re ready to keep climbing when she does it. Mikasa lands between your eyes. Perfect posture. And all you can do is watch.

“Annie…” Why does she look like that? Is this hurting her? No. She hates you. But you can’t figure out her expression. And the _tone_ of her voice. It’s same voice she uses to get people to do what she wants.

_What do you want me to do?_

“Fall.” Then she’s gone. Gone like everything else. And it hurts you. Your human body is sobbing, your Titan body loses all tension and falls. On the inside of the Titan body, tears are flowing down your cheeks. You don’t want to do this. Not anymore. You don’t _want_ to, but you _have_ to. There’s a job you _have_ to do. He asked you to, and after all that you’ve done, it’s the least you can do.

But it’s hopeless… Nothing, nothing matters anymore…

_“Annie… I was wrong…”_

_Dad?_

_“It’s too late to ask for your forgiveness. But, I have just one request.”_

_What? I’ll do it._

Your body crashes to the ground and Eren jumps on it.

_“It’s okay to make the whole world your enemy.”_

He rips off your arms. Decapitates you.

_“Even if the entire world despises you, Daddy will always be on your side.”_

His breath on the nape of your neck makes you sick. You’re going to die.

_“So promise me, that you’ll come home.”_

Eren rips away your skin and muscle, leaving you defenseless. You can’t win. And you don’t want to. _Dad, I’m sorry._ Praying is something you don’t do, like ever, but you’re doing it now. Hoping that he’ll be able to hear it.

The tears are streaming down your face. And there’s a burning feeling in your chest. And there’s ice spreading through your veins. But you just don’t care anymore. You can’t bring yourself to want anything, can’t bring yourself to care as you start to freeze.

Then the ice in your veins explodes. It’s creeping up your body, covering you, freezing you. 

People are screaming and Eren is screaming, and then everything sort of just gets dark. And then you’re alone. You’re alone all over again…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just, okay, that was hard to write, like really. hard. to. write. But I did it, and that was actually a sort of nice first fanfic to write, and there's probably going to be more fanfics, but I'm not really sure at the moment, so I guess I'll just see if I can heal the hole in my heart with Tumblr.
> 
> Opinions, Questions, Comments anyone?


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